Past the point.

When I was at "Whitney Field" yesterday, I encountered and recognized people that I remembered, but who thankfully didn't recognize me. Maybe it was that my hair's shorter, and yes, still darker, or maybe it was the fact that I have two eyebrows instead of one. Maybe I'm a little taller, my face a little older, or maybe I really was invisible for that year and a half, and they never saw me at all. Which could be, I think, the ideal in this particular situation. Back then, as much as I thrived off of recognition and longed for attention on the inside, outwardly I decided that it would be best to remain invisible for four years.

I don't know why I thought I could stick it out, because truly, if there is one thing I hate, it's being invisible. But why would they know that? To them, I'll probably always be "That girl...what was her name...the one who did the project on The Birds...". And that is fine fine fine by me.

Back then, I had no expectations. I wanted out, and I wished that time would just hurry up so I could end my annonymous existance. If you had told me five years ago that I wouldn't graduate annonymous and alone, but as the most uninvisible I have ever been in my life, with the most amazing group of people I have ever met, I probably would have peered out from under my eyebrow and weakly smiled without using my eyes. "Right," I would have thought. "The best years of my life? Sure." I would have rolled my eyes and gone to my seat in the front corner of the class, where I would have broken into cold, polyester sweats every time I was called on.

So I guess history repeats itself when you make the same mistakes twice, go figure. Here I am again, in a slightly less severe repeat of freshman year in high school. And yeah, maybe things just suck for me in the beginning. But now I know what all time highs feel like, and I remember what has to be done in order to stop being invisible, and all I want in these next few years is to get them back. I don't know what I'll be when I grow up, I don't know what will happen in the next few months, and let's face it, I don't know where I'll end up. I just want to graduate uninvisible, and live my life uninvisible, and when I think about it, I would do pretty much anything in order to make that happen.

So right now, with 2004 officially gone, and with it any ties to the best, happiest, most amazing year of my life so far, I'm here on the first of 2005, with uncertainty and a blank page to look foward to. I may have done some things for the last time, and there are some experiences I may never have again, and as sad as that makes me sometimes, I have to believe that there's something else, and I'll eventually become who I'm meant to become.

Here's to the all time highs...and to the hope that someday I'll get them back again.

Oh yeah...and here's to Divas Live!, A Decade of Song and Video, dancing, singing, and those beautiful friends that I'm always talking about.