Some sort of...Ghost Ship?

On Friday night Samm and I watched an epic motion picture. Yes, epic. By epic I mean it is right in the same category as Titanic, The Perfect Storm, and other sea-faring classics. Why, you ask? Because the directors of Ghost Ship snuck into the vaults where the original copies of these films are kept, and stole a few scenes from both of them to complile Ghost Ship. 

Add to that a very statistically diverse cast that makes up the discovery team: a very smart African American man, who has all the right ideas, but is listened to by NOBODY, a pseudo Hispanic named Santos, an all-American blonde boy, the token obese representitive who, ironically is frequently shown eating, the sage Man of the Sea whose experience works against him, and of course, the only woman on the crew. In addition to the actual crew, is the far-to-good-to-be-true, obviously evil (thanks to extensive focusing of this character's face in the beginning) instigator. I'll let you guess in what order the above characters died in, and who the sole survivor of the movie was. Don't think too constructively. It will come to you.

The soundtrack is also a force to be reckoned with; as the entire flashback sequence, circa 1962, is set to a charmingly uplifting 80's techno beat. The fact that Cinemax gave it only one asterisk is an outrage. A more appropriate title may have been The Perfect Titanic.

But boy, do I love bad movies. I really want to own this one. Oh wait. I already do!

Film Paleontology.

Last night Samm and I rediscovered Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze, circa 1991. Oh. Man. Dontatello is a very very misunderstood turtle who has withheld his homosexual tendencies from his turtle brothers and weepy eyed mutant rat mentor for his entire existance.

Vanilla Ice had a cameo in TMNT2. His hit single, Ninja Rap, was the title song for the soundtrack. I need to find that soundtrack.

If you own this movie and have let it collect dust over the past 13 years, now is the time to dig it out and enjoy. Embrace the mutants, with all of their puppeted glory. Embrace the gigantic rodent Sensai that was just in the "wrong place at the wrong time" and never asked to be mutated and burdened with goverening four pizza munching maniacs. Last but not least, embrace Shredder, with his helmet of steel and burlap ninja suit and grunting sidekick.

Love from the Randalls, 2002.

Here's last year's fabricated Christmas letter, written by yours truly. I'm sorry to say that it's not too far off from some of the 100% serious letters I get every year that describe the achievements and purchases of the past 11 months. 
Christmas, 2002

To our dearly beloved Family and Friends,

Well, another year has gone by and all too soon I find myself sitting at this 2002 Dell computer equipped with CD burner and duel speakers, typing out this year’s update on my glorious family. And what a year it has been. Each day I wake up and find that my children have grown more beautiful, and I have nobody to thank for that besides Mark and myself. 

Our splendid eldest daughter Danielle is now nearing 17 years of age. We have had to remove her from yet another school, as a result of the severe case of schizophrenia that she has seemed to develop. She is now living at home, having completely dropped out of school, and is thriving as a master of the custodial arts at nearby Market Basket. Although some would say that her illness is a definite negative point, we see no harm in her making friends, be they real life or simply in her head. 

And then there’s Ian. As a present for his 14th birthday in March, Mark and I presented him with the one thing he desperately wanted. A sex change operation. He is now legally female, and has changed his name to Anne. We are absolutely tickled that he has found his true form of self expression and we couldn’t be happier with our beautiful new daughter who, incidentally, made the Varsity Field Hockey team this year and was a candidate for Homecoming Court. We were so proud.

And then there’s sweet Adrienne, who has entered the double digits at the age of 10 completely relieved of her little addictions, compliments of some extremely expensive hypnosis therapy. Luckily the principal of her elementary school was able to be paid off by us in exchange for the extensive damage that Adrienne inflicted upon a fellow classmate over a lost pen. Little Gina’s ear has been successfully sewn back on, and luckily our hiring of a very honest ambulance chaser of a lawyer saved us from any severe charges.

Finally, Mark and I would like to announce to you all news of our latest purchase, a very pricey new vehicle. Luckily we didn’t pay a penny for it, our dear family lawyer sued every last cent out of the Leominster City Garbage department for smashing into our former van, and our profits went to a new car as well as Anne’s little operation. Now I don’t want to make any of you jealous, but as you can see, my perfect family is an absolute dream. I can only hope that the same joy and pride I feel for the beauty and affluence of my family can be felt for yours as well during this phenomenal holiday season. And, if not, my prayers are with you and better luck next year.

All our love and affection and thoughts,

Mark, Michelle, Danielle, Ian/Anne, and Adrienne

Expecto Patronum!

Well, it's official. One side of my nose works and the other does not.

If there's one thing I hate, it's when you can breathe out of one nostril and not the other.

It feels so asymmetrical.

On a lighter note, I was BOMBARDED with Christmas letters today. Two in one day! I love Christmas letters, especially the ones that go on forever about how WONDERFUL the year has been, thanks to ____'s incredible financial SUCCESS, how BRILLIANT the children are, and so on. One of the two we got today was from my mom's aunt and uncle, and it began with the token 'cheap pity plea' by describing Aunt's broken leg and Uncle's torn cornea.

Christmas letters are one of the many things I find funny that lots of people don't. Others include infomercials, telemarketers, and calling consumer hotlines. All of which are EXTREMELY entertaining, if experienced in the right context.

Usually I write a blatantly obnoxious Christmas letter for MY family that is a mockery of all of those that we get that people write in all seriousness. Maybe I'll post my letter from last year. 

I made cupcakes tonight. And ate two of them.

I need to start a more regular gym regimen. I'm starting to feel really lazy. Generally speaking, I'm not lazy, I enjoy DOING stuff, but there just hasn't been much to do...or so I think. I COULD start reading my outside reading for English, I COULD start researching Emily Dickenson, I COULD study lines for my plays, I COULD study psycho, I COULD review for math...

I blame my illness. This cold is taking over my life, and will probably evolve into...dum dum DUM...the FLU. OR WORSE...

A MORE SEVERE STRAND OF SENIORITIS (which I have been plagued with ever since Junior year)

Looks like orange juice, Nyquil, and some quality The O.C. tonight.

Only my mom.

Two large, burly men came over this morning to install cable in my basement.

As I write this, they are getting a vacuum cleaner demonstration from my mother, who is convincing them that they would "trade any vacuum cleaner they own for a Rainbow vacuum cleaner."

They were especially impressed with the vanilla scented oil to drop in the vacuum water to freshen the air whilst sucking up massive amounts of dust, dander, and debris. 

It's amusing.

Actual quote from Cable Man # 2: "Wow! That IS amazing! And it smells great!"

That was a very loud beep.

So this week's over.

Weeks feel so long as they're going by, but when they're finally over...Where'd they go? I feel like this year is flying by faster than time has ever gone by before, and that really scares me. I can honestly say that this year is right up there with junior year on the Greatness Scale.

Looking back on the past two years, a lot of crappy things have happened. Crappy things that I never expected or anticipated or thought that I would ever have to deal with. But despite the crappy, this past year and a half have honestly been the best of my life. 

When I was younger, I always saw myself dancing all the way through high school. I thought that would have been pretty cool, because in the past, senior dancers always got some sort of recognition. I knew that that wouldn't happen for me though, because I had never really stayed at a dance school long enough to become a fixture. So whatever, what else would I do?

I never thought in a million years that my senior year would be what it is. As a freshman, I could not WAIT to get out of St.Bernard's. Time there went by so slowly, and I know for a fact it was because I didn't care enough to get involved. If someone had told me then that as a senior, I not only would be back where I belonged, but I'd be a Television Production/ Theatre kid, I wouldn't have believed it. Because back then, there's no way I would have had the courage to do any of the things I do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the long run, I am extremely lucky. I'm lucky that I was able to take Out of the Blue LAST year, because thanks to that, I had the amazing experience of being able to know LHS TV Production for what it was meant to be, with awesome boys that made that class what it was. I'm very very lucky to have those memories, because thanks to them, I know what to do with LEACTV today.

I'm lucky X 3,000 that there were open spots left for the France trip at the beginning of last year. That was the trio of a lifetime, and I have more memories from those 12 days than I could ever write. France opened my eyes to something completely new and different and wonderful, and that is something that can never be taken away from me. It was fantastic beyond belief, and chatting about the memories always provides countless entertainment.

I'll always be grateful that I was given the oppurtunity to have ended up with my part in the musical last year. That, my friends, was the epitome of luck, but I felt as though I truly won some sort of lottery. I was so happy to be 1/4 of a group of Fallen Angels, which was totally a bonding experience. Even if nobody understood the joke that was one of my two? lines. Anything Goes was truly cosmic.

Can I talk about cosmic now? Cosmic is SENIOR year. It is Summer, 2003, mange-a-thons, PONS, Seagulls, Girraffes, Extravaganzas, and Eating Great. Cosmic was Ten Little Indians. It IS the Princess and the Princess, and Sure Thing, and Philip Glass Buys a Loaf of Bread. I never thought I'd have the chance to be a part of these shows, I thought that not dancing this year would be a mistake, and that I'd miss the performing. But I don't have time to. I feel like I'm exactlyt where I'm supposed to be, that this is what I love to do. When you get something that you desparately want, but thought would never happen, it truly knocks you off your feet. 

I've been knocked off my feet, and I never want to get up.

To Hufflepuff with your sorry ass!

Before I talk about my astounding discovery, let me give you some background.

Next year, LHS is going to be changing its schedule. Instead of having the normal 6 out of 7 period day that we all know and love, the school is going to be *TRANSOFRMED* into several "magnet" type schools within the school. Kind of like a Liberal Arts college. Or a trade school. I'm going to go with glorified, prepare yourself for the future trade school. 

So today in Psycho, Rinho was describing the different areas of education as "Houses". Okay kids. Here's your question.

WHAT OTHER SCHOOL IS SEPARATED BY HOUSES?

So obviously this is all just a clever fascade that hides the fact that Leominster High School is no ordinary high school. Next year, my friends, it is turning into HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY.

I'm just very sorry that I won't be around to experience it.

NoahB4Me826 [3:20 PM]: i wish I was going to LHS next year! 
NoahB4Me826 [3:20 PM]: i would milk this for all it's worth 
NoahB4Me826 [3:20 PM]: make sure ian gets into gryffindor 

Today was a great day, in case you didn't already figure that out. Had a great guidance appointment to send away college applications, drew some great animals in English, had a great lack of math class, and I get to look foward to great fun at rehersal.

Oh man. I'm such a nerd. But I find this SO FUNNY.

There it goes.

Today was lovely, as every day after a blizzid is.

My driveway is a slippery mixture of sheer ice, slush, and snow. These conditions make a normally not so steep driveway practically vertical. Everyone in my family knows this.

Natale, however did not. Apparantly Elroy (aka The Neon) had a tough time, before he finally just gave up completely. Walking DOWN said driveway is extremely dangerous. I've wiped out my fair share of times.

But it's okay because I love blizzids.

Today I went and worked the house for QED at the synogogue. Samm, Natale, Willie, and myself along with Talia and Leeann handed out approximately 18 programs and ripped 18 tickets. Yes, these 18 fans of Mr. Lew braved the treachery to come and see the show. It was worth it. I was thoroughly impressed.

He got to wear a very tribal headdress, a stick from which was left clinging to about 3 strands of hair for the majority of Act 2, confirming our whole Mufasa/Lewfasa theory.  Samm and I tried to blow it off from the back row, but to no avail. Finally, it dropped, but not until after that stick had taken its fair share of stage time.

The lack of audience also left a surplus of intermission snacks. We drank and poured Waist Watchers Citrusy Frost, Raspberry Ginger Ale and ate little bites of chocolate covered cheesecake heaven. Classic synogogue food. Raspberry Ginger Ale is something else. It definately must have had something to do with Moses' success in freeing the Jewish slaves. I know I'd believe anyone who offered me raspberry ginger ale.

Natale thought we were playing Family Double Dare with the Citrusy Frost, and sloshed about a cup's worth of soda onto the table while getting an inch worth of Frost in the cup. Priceless.

Theatre fun is good fun.

Anyway, I am about 1 paragraph away from application completion. Holy Crap. That's a wonderful feeling.

If I hear Hillary Duff say ONE MORE TIME that she's just like any other regular girl, I'm going to stop liking her. I'm a regular girl. Do I have a record deal? Do I get Punk'd? Do I have Louis Vuitton luggage? Face it Hillary. You're a celebrity. Deal with it.

Christmas Vacation is on tonight. I love Christmas Vacation.

Time to go tackle that paragraph about how honesty is imporant. Hah. Yeah right.

Forget this.

I'm considering throwing in the towel on these college applications and moving to Costa Rica to become a modern pirate wench. It probably wouldn't be the most practical move, but it would also be less stressful. The closest we ever had to pirates in Massachusetts is the Pilgrims.

They weren't so hot. Most of them died within a week. The few who survived were probably charged with witchcraft in Salem, and if they survived that, the French and Indian War was probably a major downfall. The raptors ate the rest.
I hate it when people become "too cool". I will never be too "too" for anything.

"Milo, come. Don't bark at people. It's Christmas!" - Mom

Here's what I hate. Being ignored. Just laying it out there.

Anyway, I don't think this week could've been any longer. I'm so glad it's finally the godforsaken weekend, and to make things even BETTER:

THERE'S A BLIZZARD HEADED OUR WAY.

There is nothing I love more than a good blizzard. Especially when I have nowhere to go and nothing to do except hole myself away and eat marshmallows. I'm looking foward to it. Anyone up for extreme sledding down my street? Last time I did that, Meggies, Cole, Kerri and I dressed up in 80's snow-onsies and hiked up my street to sled down the other side. It was extreme. But not as extreme as Canadian sledding, which is a sport all its own. 

Yesterday was Les Mis, which was an absolute extravaganza. It was Drama club joy at it's best, and I don't think I've ever seen a better musical. I don't think our seats could have been better either, seeing as we could easily determine the color of each character's eyes. The experience was completed with Regina's tears over not just the play, but the moterized lighting fixtures as well. 

Lighting fixtures are breathtaking.

And that's all I have to say about that.