A Roadtrip That I Am Not On

Liz and Natalie, who will do anything, including squeeze one more cross country road trip out of herself, for her friends (and also a Ferragamo headband) are en route to Los Angeles. And I. Am so. Excited.

Since Liz is averse to blogging and a self proclaimed storyteller a la Homer, I have taken it upon myself to "live blog" Natalie's and her journey Westward, based on the periodic e-mails I recieve along the way.

Enjoy. Stay tuned for updates.


Altoona, PA to Nashville, TN

10:55 AM: "After 2 miles of "right lane closed ahead" signs, Natty freaks out when it finally happens, shouting, 'What the f&^k?! These people are crazy. They could have warned us*!' "

11:05 AM: "Well, just to let you know, Kentucky smells like flithy, rotten asshole. And West Virginia has a "POWER PARK" and a town called NITRO. So basically, its the set of American gladiators."

11:29 AM: "We have seen some seriously grisly road kill. Like, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN** gruesome."

12:15 PM: "Don't act like it wouldn't be awesome to bang some 16 year old from West Virginia in a gas station." - Natalie Zekos

12:56 PM: "Well, we have an adorable little choreographed routine to the Whisper song (Wait Till You See My Dick). And this quote: 'That car fire is the second best smell in Kentucky'."

1:35 PM: "We drove for hours without seeing another car on completely desolate highway. Natalie waited until we were in four lanes of city traffic to try out the cruise control feature."

4:12 PM: ""Natty is trying to get me to choose between these two restaurants: Rippy's and Sweat's. Mmmm."

5:45 PM: "Yeah I think we're staying in Nashville. This place is the best."

6:27 PM: "I think there is a law in Nashville that you will be assassinated if you aren't having the best time ever."

* This is classic Natalese hyperbole. Throwback to Summer 2007 when one of her coworkers called to see if Natalie would mind picking up some of her hours. She hung up and proclaimed:

Natalie: I don't know who this broad thinks she is, calling me about work at 8 PM on a Saturday!
Danielle: But...it's 6 PM. And it's Tuesday.

**Sidenote: It has been decided that there is no need to see HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and/or SHOPAHOLIC for the same reason that WWII vets and Holocaust survivors avoid films like SAVING PRIVATE RYAN and SCHINDLER'S LIST. Also because, who cares?