Believe.

You'd think that being aware of what goes on behind the scenes in the movies would ruin the magic of actually watching the final, finished product and in a way, it does. One day I'm watching and accepting what I see on the screen, taking for granted someone's painstaking art direction, cinematography, casting, writing, editing, etc., and the next I'm suddenly aware of it.

Somehow, this doesn't have the belief crushing effect that one might think it would. Everything is still just as believable as it always was but now, instead of just assuming that the director got lucky and the sun happened to be shining through the window that particular way at that exact moment, there's a greater appreciation for how that light and those words and the scenery got there, and who was responsible for making them seem so perfectly natural.

Now, more than ever, I'm grateful for the ability to keep believing in spite of what I know to be true. Maybe I really am delusional and out of touch with reality. Or maybe Antoine de Saint Exupery was right and one really does see best with the heart.

When it comes to movies, I'll always believe what I see and suspend what I know. People are a different story. As much as I wish I could rewind the years and rewrite a different version, one that took place in a world without disease and where all of the best people got the time to live the lives that they deserved, I don't need to see her to know that she's everywhere.