I understand that yours is a life that is filled with the urgent appointments and grueling tasks that come along with shopping your child around from auditions to dance class to piano lessons to dialect coaching to whatever other marketable skill-obtaining sessions a child star might need on their resume. It must be hard work for YOU, naturally, but obviously it pays for your luxurious Oakwood residence and what I can only imagine to be an impressive wardrobe of velour jumpsuits in a variety of pastels. Not only that, but based on my own observations, I've noticed that exploiting your offspring has also afforded you the luxury of paying for a Reserved Parking Spot to park your Mini (which, by the way, should never be cream colored. Cream is a tolerable color for a Mini...Van. Not a Mini Cooper) here at the Oakwood Apartments. That must be nice, you know, to be able to come home after a long day of supervising your child's treadmill activity or cheerleading from the sidelines at a Frosted Flakes audition and know that no matter what, you'll be able to park your car in that nice Reserved tandem parking spot that you're wealthy enough to have the rights to. Good for you, StgeMum.
But OH WAIT. Despite the fact that I've SEEN your Mini of a rancid color parked in YOUR RESERVED PARKING SPACE on numerous occasions, you STILL seem to prefer one of the four non reserved parking spots directly in front of my building. Why do you insist on hogging not one, but essentially two prime parking locations? Do you feel you're entitled to them somehow? Some of us don't have reserved tandem parking spaces and depend on the availability of the unreserved spots so that we don't have to park forty miles from our building on the side of the godforsaken cougar and coyote infested mountain. Here's what's going to happen, StgeMum. You're either going to park in the spot that has been reserved for you (and I will make note of the exact number of said spot, don't worry) OR, if you continue to leave your obnoxious vehicle in the spot that I covet in front of my building, I'll simply park my car in your reserved spot, since you clearly don't use it. It's infuriating and you are stupid. Also, on the off chance that you actually haven't paid for a reserved spot and are somehow getting away with parking in one anyway, I will find out and tell on you, I will tell on you so hard.
...I can't even get into the fact that your vehicle is registered in the state of California as "StgeMum". Congratulations, you're officially a registered idiot.
Love,
Danielle
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