Victim.

Okay so riddle me this:

1. Last night I went to sleep and I forgot to take my earrings out. So I wake up just now missing one earring and I'm disappointed, in that "Well. C'est la vie" kind of way I've come to accept since my GPS was robbed from my car by a valet three weeks ago. *

(P.S., The more I think about that, the angrier I get. Sons of bitches, I gave you a tip because I had no ones and this is how you repay me? By stealing the Lewis to my Clark? The moss on the treetrunk to my Sacagewea? Poor Daniel, I hope he's alright and I hope the cholo thief who stole it is having a good time driving to all of my saved locations, including but not limited to Yummy Cupcakes, work, and various friends' homes. Oh, and my home. Fantastic. I cannot wait to move. I choose to believe thief who stole it did it with the best intentions. Maybe he has a sick family of babies that he needed to hock some GPSs to feed. That's probably it.)

ANYWAY so I was bummed about this earring thing just because, as Natalie once pointed out so eloquently, when you lose jewelry, you are a victim. You almost never deserve it. So I'm starting to cope with my first disappointment of the day when all of a sudden I realize that there's a pain in my thigh. Literally. I reach down and LO AND BEHOLD!

Earring. But not just any earring. The earring was fully intact, backing and all, as if, at some point in the night, I sleep-removed it, replaced the backing, and jabbed into my thigh for safekeeping. I mean, earrings do not just fall out of your ears with the backings intact. It's physically impossible unless 

A. There's been serious damage done to the earlobe.

or

B. Earring faeries exist. And since I do not wear capes as part of my dress code and/or cover my car with pictures of unicorns, I really don't think they do. 

I also lost my car keys somewhere between the front door to my apartment and my bedroom this week. I think that goblin from Beacon Hill who burned down my wall and stole my remote is back with a vengeance.

* Edit: Yeah, I definitely found my keys. And my very much unstolen GPS. So...how about that. 

I'm legitimately losing my marbles.