Fact.

There is a reason why the biggest part of the original food pyramid is constituted of bread, grains, and cereals. It's because they are the best and most delicious foods and as such, are needed in order to happily survive.

I'm sorry, does that seem irritable? It's to be expected. Allow me to explain. I am currently wrapping up Day 5 in a seven day vegetable soup weight loss experiment and I haven't eaten bread or cereal or cupcakes since Day 1, when I dove off the wagon after 8 hours and went to Carl's Jr. with Alison, my enabler. 

Before I continue my analysis, I would like to clarify that this is not a cry for attention or reassurance. I know I'm not obese. I realize how lucky I am to have a metabolism that, thankfully, runs faster than I do so that I don't have to. I also know what a sad day it will be for me if/when it gives out, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. 

Anyway. My reasons for accepting the Leahy Clinic "Diet" Challenge are threefold

1. I am currently unemployed, therefore I welcome anything that brings some sort of structure into my life.

2. I am currently unemployed, therefore by only eating vegetable soup and the rotating schedule of random fruits and vegetables per day, I save money by not buying impulse snacks or going out to eat.

3. Overall curiosity. I'm horrible at commitment and I only love the bottom layer of the food pyramid. Plus, metabolism or no, who wouldn't want to lose a few pounds? This is pretty much the only way, given my disdain for running and aforementioned lack of funds with which to take up ballet again, the only form of exercise that I have ever enjoyed.

So since it's Day 5, I've passed the point of no return. I can't let myself quit now, two days away from completion with only one wagon tumble. But really, diets like this are ridiculous, mainly because what do you think I will do on Day 8? Obviously I will eat macaroni and cheese and peanut butter and brownies and Frosted Mini Wheats with unreasonable fervor because I've been dreaming about those things for the past five days. And where will that get me? Right back to square one. Fulfilling my need for the brownies that I only want right now will probably undo and then some whatever I manage to accomplish during this week of vegetables and soup and fruit and bananas.

I just find stuff like this amusing. When you think you're doing something great for yourself, it really just causes a huge backfire that would never have happened if you hadn't done the great thing in the first place. I'm not sure if this rule applies to everyone or just people like me, stereotypical heads of the pecking order who have no one older than them to learn from or compare their lives to, aside from their parents. Yeah. I used to compare what I had accomplished at a given age to what my mother accomplished by that same age, until it occurred to me that she got married on her 22nd birthday while I got dumped on mine. That's when I realized it was probably time to reevaluate. (Truth be told, at this particular juncture I'd rather be dumped than married, but that's beside the point. It's all about the irony.)

At the very least, it's good to know that the universe isn't 

ignoring me. I will continue to be irritable until I can start my days with cereal instead of noodle-less minestrone soup.