Truth.

When I was in second grade there was a solar eclipse and all of the teachers at Johnny Appleseed elementary stressed the importance of not looking directly at the sun. When a problematic classmate of mine whined "What if we wear sunglasses?!" everyone flipped out and jumped down his throat, reinforcing the fact that nothing, not even sunglasses, could protect his eyes from the solar eclipse.

This got me thinking. What would happen if we looked at the sun? Nothing good, that was for sure.The consequence I came up with was based on Raiders of the Lost Ark, which I saw for the first time earlier that year with my dad: eyes dissolving and pouring out of sockets, skin melting away- biblical horror.

I'm not sure that that ISN'T what would have happened to me if I looked at the sun back in 1993. What I am sure of, especially after having just re-watched Raiders in preparation for Indiana Jones' triumphant return this Thursday, is this: When I have kids, I will absolutely tell them that if they look directly at the sun, their eyes will melt out of their sockets.

I will also tell them that dinosaurs are actually not extinct but nocturnal with a penchant for children who aren't in bed before dark.

Yes. My hypothetical children are hypothetically awesome.