"What if Prince Harry moved into Apartment 1?" "I think that would be pretty sad for him."

Yesterday I opened the refrigerator and noticed a slow but steady trickle of pinkish liquid seeping down the crisper drawers. I followed this trickle to the source, which turned out to be the fully thawed 20 pound young turkey sitting on the first shelf. It was then I noticed that the whole first shelf had accumulated a good milimeter of turkey seepage and as a result, everything on that shelf was absolutely marinated in it.

So I had no choice but to pull out the shelves, wash/bleach them in the bathtub, throw away everything that was not sealed and protected against the salmonella turkey blood, and then there was the turkey to deal with. All 20 pounds of it.

Since it had been "thawing" in the refrigerator for four days and was already over a year old, it seemed that the only option left was to quietly dispose of it. Trash gets picked up on Friday. Wednesday morning, a 20 pound turkey carcass was disposed of in the 100 Riverway trash room. I haven't been down there once since, but I can only imagine that it must either smell pretty rank, or not smell at all because all of the raw poison turkey flesh has been gnawed off by every rat in the city that somehow made its way into our trash room to devour that turkey.

And today I dropped my mascara DIRECTLY into the toilet. It was so direct that it went straight down that little hole and I had to do some serious excavating with enormous rubber gloves on, up to my elbows in toilet to fetch the mascara and prevent a serious plumbing issue.

I don't think I've ever had two such genuinely FILTHY experiences happen to me so close to each other before.

Midnight ice cream in the frigid cold really frosts my berries.

Lisa, it's your birthday.

A Few of Tonight's Observations:

1. The people in Hamburger Helper commercials all have Southern accents. Why?
2. How To Lose A Guy in Ten Days is a fantastic romantic comedy. Why? Because they go to a Celine concert, for one. I think they pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Also, Matthew McConneghy is among the skeeziest men alive.
3. Smushed rats in the middle of the crosswalk bear a striking resemblance to an innocent gray sock, until you see the tail. They also have a tendency to startle you...both times you walk by them.

Sooooooooooo now what?

"I challenge you to find something more appetizing than beef and potato casserole." - Natalie

Here's a little equation for you all.

Shep's Pie - Corn = Beef and Potato Casserole. Best served with the pre-ketchup juice.

So delicious. 

We're also in the process of thawing out the young turkey that Eleanor's had for a year. It was hauled out of the freezer this afternoon, and before resting it in the refridgerator to thaw, we put it in Natalie's bed, nestled up next to her, while she napped. 

So cute.

Anyway. Let's just hope all this de-frosting doesn't result in horrific salmonella poisoning. That would ruin Saturday's pre-Thanksgiving dinner for sure.

Ian McKellen is on SNL on E!. What a classy, classy man.

One could assosciate him with a wizard.

One could assosciate wizards with Harry Potter.

One could assosciate Harry Potter with awesome.

I find it kind of sad.

I finally caught up with lots of people and watched Donnie Darko last night. 

People analyze that movie, and watch it billions of times just to get clues to the underlying metaphors and what have you, but after seeing it once, I've got it. I know the secret. Jake Gyllenhaal is attainably, realistically, hot. That's all there is to it.

Elle and Natalie are off to Foxboro to see the Patriots tonight, like sportsfans. 

Liz and I are going to dress in black and wear square glasses and go see Jarhead in our pajamas, like angsty non-athletes.

I made the mistake of downloading Joanna Newsom's Peach, Pear, Plum just to show Liz how weird it is. And now she likes it. And now I have a little eye twitch.

Nerd alert!

I love secret advanced press screenings!

I love that there is one for HP&tGoF next weekend!

I love that I get to go!

I won a contest on the radio, and now I have tickets. I love tickets. My font of ridiculous Harry Potter trivia has finally proven itself useful, and I have officially proven (as if there was ever any doubt) that I am one of the COOLEST people on Earth.

I'm going to start entering more contests because now I know that I love to win them.

Hm...that could be a really really stretched metaphor. I think I'll go with it.

Tab and Laundry.

Here's a little secret...

Tab tastes just like Coke. 

For some reason I always associated Tab with anorexic girls holding their Tab in one hand and a cigarette in the other, standing out in the cold, leaning up against buildings.

I honestly don't know why.

I do know why I associate the smell of Dawn dishsoap with UMass. It's because I used to wash my hair and the dishes simultaneously, both with Dawn, both in the shower, because someone told me that ultra concentrated Dawn would wash out my "temporary" black hair dye faster. As you all know, it did nothing but make ME smell like Dawn and give me the best split ends of my life.

Yikes.

Every night this week there has LITERALLY been a jackhammer jackhammering outside our window. Given the absolute cartoon-ity of this situation, I think the only appropriate solution would be for Liz and me to gather our sticks of TNT and toss them out the window. You see it on tv all the time, but you NEVER expect to have a literal jackhammer outside your window all night long.

Bank time, then Star*Market to pick up supplies for a chocolate cream pie, then class, then The E.C., then who knows, but eventually The O.C., which I must find a way to tape.

"I just made Elliott dizzy and now he can't walk!"- Natalie

November is going to be a bitchin' month. I just wish I knew where all of this time was running off to. Kind of ridiculous.

Make it count, I guess. 

...

Okay so Jen introduced me to the STAR floor's latest form of entertainment, IP Relay, which is a really lovely service available to the hard of hearing and deviant college students. Basically, you IM an operator someone's phone number and then they call WHOEVER you want them to call and you type your side of the conversation and they then relay what you type in the IM to whoever you're calling and type back their response. 

If Halo 2 Live Connect and The American Girl Premiere computer game had a child, it would be the IP Relay service. The idea is to make the operater say really uncomfortable things in their indifferent, monotone voice.

Obviously it's a ridiculous amount of fun.

Natalie and Eleanor made Shep's EXACTLY like they do at LHS, complete with boxed mashed potatoes and mysterious orange sprinkle spices. I think I'm off to have my second dinner.

This is probably when people start to gain weight, huh. I should watch out, since I cannot afford to buy a new wardrobe.