Reflect.

I feel as though my entries have become predictably depressing and stupid, dumb, lame, whatever. So let's toss things around a bit.

Does anyone else find it odd that the only way that Massachusetts feels it can reach out to it's pregnant teenagers is to have a group of racially mixed kids surround a bewildered mother and perform a rap about baby safe havens?

Michael Jackson should probably just retreat into Neverland with his animals and his rides and stop making public appearances. He's scary and there is no need. He can leave the 80's music here though. And that Free Willy song, I guess, because as much as I am irritated by movies featuring a kid and their best animal pal, Free Willy really does tug at the heartstrings. I think it's because the kid was a roughian. I always felt bad for his foster parents.

Chocolate is definitely better in color. I wish I had that 3 pound bag of Christmas peanut M&Ms right now. I also wish Ian hadn't eaten the entire quart of Special Edition Edy's Peppermint ice cream, and the entire pint of Hagaan Daz Pineapple Coconut, and the box of Hood orange sherbet. I don't know why I included the offical titles of the frozen delights which I lack.

There are really a very lot of television stations. And an even larger lot of people like me, who think about things like the availability of television stations.

I am freaking box of nitroglycerin like in Crash Bandicoot. There was a time when I was obsessed with Crash Bandicoot, I will not lie. The Sims and I also had a fabulous relationship, once upon a time.

All you need is love. I never really believed that before, but all of a sudden it's completely true. Everyone just needs to be loved, and then everything else will just fall into place.

It says Outgoing Message.

I'm in love with this break. Seriously.

Last night I saw an E! True Hollywood Story on Young Royalty. Apparantly others have begun to realize what a catch Prince Harry is. I may have to move on to Prince Andrea of Monaco, who is also a stud, even though he is named after Ms. M. 

I went to an antique/random crap store today with my mom and Grandmaman. Unfortunately for me, it seems as though those garbage bags full of Beanie Babies in my attic will not fetch the millions I hoped they would.

Natale and Kristina and Alison came to play before their respective 6:00 engagements. We watched I Am Sam. Or at least the necessary scenes. I just remembered that we skipped the answering machine part. Rats.

I wish I could freeze everything exactly the way it is right this second, and keep it that way for awhile. Or maybe if I'm wishing for stuff, I'd freeze June and July and August and keep them for a couple of years.

And now it's time for ice cream, which, besides being delicious, also reminds us that it's impossible for anything to stay frozen forever, and if you want to keep eating, well then you just have to keep going back to the freezer for more.

...Maybe someday my metaphors will make sense.

This has got to be the disturbing accident.

I was sitting here, trying unsuccessfully to translate thoughts into words, when I suddenly realized that I was distracted.

By what, you ask?

Well, by the intense slurping noises made by my dog as he vigorously licked his nonexistant balls.

...

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."

I think it is impossible to forget the ones you love.

It's snowing and it's beautiful. They don't get weather phenoms like this in the south.

Past the point.

When I was at "Whitney Field" yesterday, I encountered and recognized people that I remembered, but who thankfully didn't recognize me. Maybe it was that my hair's shorter, and yes, still darker, or maybe it was the fact that I have two eyebrows instead of one. Maybe I'm a little taller, my face a little older, or maybe I really was invisible for that year and a half, and they never saw me at all. Which could be, I think, the ideal in this particular situation. Back then, as much as I thrived off of recognition and longed for attention on the inside, outwardly I decided that it would be best to remain invisible for four years.

I don't know why I thought I could stick it out, because truly, if there is one thing I hate, it's being invisible. But why would they know that? To them, I'll probably always be "That girl...what was her name...the one who did the project on The Birds...". And that is fine fine fine by me.

Back then, I had no expectations. I wanted out, and I wished that time would just hurry up so I could end my annonymous existance. If you had told me five years ago that I wouldn't graduate annonymous and alone, but as the most uninvisible I have ever been in my life, with the most amazing group of people I have ever met, I probably would have peered out from under my eyebrow and weakly smiled without using my eyes. "Right," I would have thought. "The best years of my life? Sure." I would have rolled my eyes and gone to my seat in the front corner of the class, where I would have broken into cold, polyester sweats every time I was called on.

So I guess history repeats itself when you make the same mistakes twice, go figure. Here I am again, in a slightly less severe repeat of freshman year in high school. And yeah, maybe things just suck for me in the beginning. But now I know what all time highs feel like, and I remember what has to be done in order to stop being invisible, and all I want in these next few years is to get them back. I don't know what I'll be when I grow up, I don't know what will happen in the next few months, and let's face it, I don't know where I'll end up. I just want to graduate uninvisible, and live my life uninvisible, and when I think about it, I would do pretty much anything in order to make that happen.

So right now, with 2004 officially gone, and with it any ties to the best, happiest, most amazing year of my life so far, I'm here on the first of 2005, with uncertainty and a blank page to look foward to. I may have done some things for the last time, and there are some experiences I may never have again, and as sad as that makes me sometimes, I have to believe that there's something else, and I'll eventually become who I'm meant to become.

Here's to the all time highs...and to the hope that someday I'll get them back again.

Oh yeah...and here's to Divas Live!, A Decade of Song and Video, dancing, singing, and those beautiful friends that I'm always talking about.

How 'bout over DERE?

Drove to Worcester in a record 25 minutes today, without any complictaion, and saw Phantom of the Opera, which is an A+ movie, despite disappointing ratings. It was really very wonderful and visually brilliant. It was mainly just us and the Phan-Atics behind us who knew all of the words to every song, so that was fun. I love it.

We then went to Fitchburg Wendy's where we took pictures like the out of towners we are, got harassed by some hoodlums that could smell fear and mistook us for royalty, and proceeded to speed out of the parking lot with every orifice my car has to offer open as wide as possible, while blasting Celine Dion- Live In Concert.

Then, of course, Trivial Persuit was persued. The underdogs conquered because we kept the faith and had the 1500 people who went into the sea when Titanic sank from under us watching over Team DeWitt Bukater and whispering the answers to us. Teams Ian Sit Down and Team Princess Joystick provided valiant competition in what was the most intensely competetive game yet. Trivia is no joke. My one fear is that we may have exhausted the DVD already.

To cap off the evening, we re-enacted (complete with appropriate costuming which happened to be in my room) "Masquerade" and that Internet gem we all know and love...The Kitty Cat Dance. Lisa Loeb also popped in for a visit, complete with bucket hat and black square glasses. And we also did a few collages, which I knew was going to happen. Gosh.

You wanna dance?

I love this so much.

Every second of it.

Which is awesome.

Good times.

I forgot just how much I missed forgetting that I can't sing and just singing at what must be the top of my lungs, but for the first time in a while, I can't hear how ugly I sound because I am drowned out by this beautiful voice.

Cheer up, sleepy Jean.

If I were Joey on Dawson's Creek, this LJ would be a very very different kind of read.

Season Three, I will never get over you.

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C

I don't care.



JOEY: I think I'm in love with you.
PACEY: You think you are, or you know?
JOEY: I know it. I've know it since the moment we kissed, and maybe even before that. And as scary as it is, I don't want to deny it anymore. I don't want to run from it or let it run from me. 
PACEY: So what are we going to do here?
JOEY: I'm still not gonna ask you to stay. 
PACEY: I see... 
JOEY: Because I want to go with you.
PACEY: Wait a second... are you crazy?
JOEY: I want to stop standing still. I want to go forward. I want to go with you, Pacey.
PACEY: What about Bessie and the B&B -- they need you.
JOEY: Not as much as I need you.